if you hadn’t taken a certain step? Sometimes I wonder.
I’ll never forget how it all began.
“We have so much love in our home
Well, we just got to share it. Right Mommy?”
“Yes, you’re right…
and we do.”
I had no idea what was on her mind.
“Yes, so can you get me a sister?”
Stop. ‘Think before you speak’ moment.
“Honey, I’m sorry to tell you this
but I’m done. I’m not adopting any more children.
Done. Do you understand?”
I can’t remember all her reasonings at 7 but I do remember this.
“Well will you pray about it?”
She got me there.
From the time I first held her in my arms I had taught her about a great God
Who loved her and had brought me halfway around the world to get her.
I taught her little choruses
My God is so big
So strong and so mighty
There’s nothing my God cannot do.
But adopt again?
Oh my, that wasn’t in my plans at all.
I was done. Right?
All the baby things had been given away.
One child was more than I ever thought I’d be privileged to mother.
Like not possible.
But that question hit my heart in a way that no other statement could.
“Well, will you?”
I shook my head and gave her a big squeeze.
“Ok, I will pray.”
She hugged me an extra big hug and danced off completely satisfied.
If Mom didn’t get it
at least God did.
Where do you go when you seek God’s face?
Where do you turn when you absolutely must know His Will?
It was October.
I took off time from work and went to the beach
where I walked and prayed and listened.
My troubled spirit wrestled with questions.
Single mother. Recently accepted into a Ph.D program.
Never and excess of funds
Me, adopt again?
How foolish was that?!
But God doesn’t always call us to do the sane and sensible thing.
No, that we could do in our own strength.
Sometimes He calls us to step out into faith and do what is more than we could possibly do on our own.
To trust Him, no matter how foolish we might feel.
To place our small hand in His big Hand.
As we drove home from that beach trip almost 11 years ago
she spoke from the backseat of the car.
“What did God tell you, Mommy?”
I swallowed hard knowing that telling her was my first step.
Oh, my. Over my head and into His Grace.
Surrendered to His Plan for my life.
I believe there is another little girl
Who needs us.”
Squeals of laughter. Shouts of joy.
Hold onto the wheel.
I had no idea how rough the ride would be until I finally adopted my second daughter.
But He did
and in life
that’s all that really matters. He knows it all.
Every step of the way
It may not be easy but with God ALL things are possible
to those who believe. (Mark 9:23)
How grateful I am that I stepped forward in spite of my fears.
Faith looks fear in the face and laughs.